Once again I am back to give you an imaginary vocal ear-bashing. Did you miss me? Probably not. My next words are here to give you a rollercoaster of emotions and the occasional want to saw your own leg off.
There are many words in the English language which convey a meaning in such a way that they sound nothing like what they actually mean. Take the example of ‘pulchritudinous’, pronounced ‘pole-kree-tude-in-us’. When you hear this word, images of a short, squat person with an upturned nose, wearing a curly blond wig and sitting on a three legged stool abound. Yet the word actually means somebody or something which possesses great physical beauty.
Imagine you and your partner of choice sitting by an open fire, thinking of those long lonely nights spent alone before you found them. Your eyes meet. You move closer. You admire their pulchritudinous figure…
At this point you may choose to leap from the window as your partner goes to get the wig and three legged stool again. I am not saying this is a particularly good way of expressing your adoration for their beauty, but it does mean that if you remark this to a complete stranger, in the hopes of wooing them, they probably will quickly turn and touch you. By punching you in the face.
You know that guy sitting over there? The one sneering at you whilst you try to open that difficult pre-packaged food item which eventually results in you having to use your teeth? You know the one who clearly thinks of themselves as superior to every living person, right before they trip over and spill their organic yogurt all over themselves? That, dear reader, is somebody who is being ‘supercilious’. Supercilious refers to a person who is showing a haughty distain for someone or, in common terms, is being proud and perhaps a little bit arrogant. When you observe this behaviour, not only should you phone the local zoo and tell them that one of their baboons has escaped, but you should also bellow across the room, “OI, YOU! STOP BEING SO SUPERCILIOUS”. Make sure it is loud enough that they spill their yogurt, to save them the trouble later. At this point it is vital that you should look at yourself and make sure that the tub of yogurt which just appeared in front of you is well sealed, and that your sneer is not too noticeable… you may be in for a good bellowing shortly.