Transformers: Age of Extinction
Review by Helen Taylor Director: Michael Bay Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Nicola Peltz, Jack Raynor, Kelsey Grammer, Stanley Tucci
“There are no good aliens or bad aliens. There’s just us and them, and you chose them”.
Transformers: Age of Extinction is latest epic masterpiece of the Transformers franchise. A friend said to me quite recently, “aren’t they all destroyed yet?” - as it turns out, no they are not. They will never say die.
A little known fact about me, soon to be known by all Nucleus readers, is that I love a cheeky action movie. I like when things explode - I am particularly fond of watching said explosions when hungover. Alas, I was not hungover while watching this movie, but I did have an English Toffee choctop (put together by the fine folk at the Belgrave – the choctops are highly recommended and almost worthy of a review of their own) which soothed me somewhat.
I don’t want to spoil everything for you all, but I’m pretty sure there are no glass things left in the whole of ‘Merica. That shit is all exploded by Transformers. And they all did it - the Autobots and the Decepticons and the *gasp* Dinobots. They all broke all the things. For a glorious 165 minutes (you’ve been warned) my inner action-movie loving self was contented with extreme levels of destruction.
It’s a story of trusting a rusty truck which turns out to be an alien Transformer (a parable for asylum seekers? perhaps). It’s a story of how Mark Wahlberg is just a simple poor inventor trying to support his daughter and kick some Decepticon arse. It’s a story about power hungry humans who have failed to grasp the fact that Galvatron (a sort of Megatron 2.0 with inherited murderously destructive tendencies) is just the worst. It’s a story about how awesome alien guns are (spoiler: really awesome). Listen, it’s the story of your life. I feel like my trusty movie-going buddy sums it up nicely: “Transformers 4 said so many things that I felt and knew to be true, but didn’t have the wordage to say. I can’t wait to see it again with the boys from the ‘Babes, Beer and Boars’ club.”
Special mentions go to the inexplicably Irish (but well put together) Boyfriend of the Main Character’s Daughter, Kelsey Grammer as a CIA agent who just wants to kill all the alien robots, and the surfer guy who was really providing some great physical comedy until his untimely and overly visually descriptive end (oops, spoiler alert). While the dialogue is clumsy (“Why can’t we make what we want to make when we want to make it?” bellowed by an angry bald man who wants to build his own Transformers) and the soundtrack pretty much hand feeds us our feelings, while the plot makes virtually no excuse for its flimsiness, and while there is no reason for all the shots of an underage teenage girl’s bare legs and short shorts, I still have to admit that Transformer dinosaurs are the shit.
1/5 Dinobot and half a Decepticon (coz that’s all that was left, waaaat).